The first thing the new CEO of GM is going to do is make the rearview mirrors larger for easier makeup application - am I right or am I right, guys?
Just because this preemptive PR strike today from Apple, Google, Facebook, et al, is extremely blatant doesn’t mean it’s also not pretty smart:
"Hey, look at us over here - fighting for your rights! Champions of your privacy! Pay no attention to our own onerous and overbearing data-collection efforts. We’re standing up for you!"
"Looking for a Doctor to Discuss if Drinking Coffee in a Hot Tub Can Relieve a Headache"
- paging Dr. Spaceman…
"Are you an expert in: Fundraising, Non-profits, Travel, Weddings, Home, Events, Money Mgmt, Babies?"
"Looking for creative bloggers!"
All bloggers are creative! Didn’t you know that?
"What do Ivy League attorneys think of non-Ivy League attorneys?"
"I have been asked to look at the relationship between population growth and resource scarcity."
But I’m not actually all that interested in it myself. So whatever.
"Looking to Interview Celebrities (other popular figures) - Very Popular Magazine"
Aren’t we all. Also: Is the name of the magazine actually Very Popular? Because that would be awesome.
“‘Bake’ It A Perfect Christmas”
i don’t get it is it a pun or something
— Never thought I’d see a Venn diagram that could manage to overlap the New Yorker and “It’s Always Sunny.” Alas…
Kids, every three minutes for the past three weeks:
"Can we carve our pumpkins now? Can we carve our pumpkins now? Can we carve our pumpkins now? How about now? Now?"
Kids, tonight after seeing inside of pumpkins and remembering - exactly one year to the day - how gross they are inside:
"Eww, gross. Can we watch Netflix?"
Man, Clapton made some pretty bad music in the ’80s.
1) “Kristen Bell says pregnancy has given her a deeper voice”
2) “Calling all women who love to eat meat!”
3) “What to look for in a golf cart”
4) “What can speechwriters learn from Ashton Kutcher?”
5) “Looking for Canadian baby boomers to chat about brain fitness industry”
Screenshots of despair - the deluge of “Undeliverable” and “Out of office” auto-responses one gets immediately upon sending out a client release. Time to scrub the media list.
Congratulations to everyone who sunk their life savings into Facebook’s IPO because their kids were on the site all the time so they thought they’d double their money in an hour - 15 months later, you’re close to finally breaking even. If you haven’t already dumped out, of course.